What is the definition of Intimacy?
Before we talk about ideas on how to be intimate in a long distance relationship, let’s first take a look at the term ‘intimacy’ and what this means.
Many would describe this as the close bond between two people that requires high levels of openness and trust. This includes sharing inner thoughts, deeper feelings, making memorable times together, or caring deeply for one another.
The term ‘intimacy‘ can be used for the closeness between a boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife or mother and daughter. A degree of attachment is often judged by the level of intimacy that comes from the heart of another person.
There are other kinds of intimacy such as ‘emotional intimacy’ that can be maintained from a distance and this being the strongest form that will last the test of time and the miles apart.
A fascinating TED Tedx Talk: The four types of intimacy that will produce miracles for long-distance couples:
14 Proven ways to build & maintain long-distance intimacy
1: Intimacy closeness – Mirroring activities
Cooking together over video chat is another try-and-tested way to bond from a distance. Simply look up a recipe online, then link up a video call through your laptop, phone or tablet.
You’ll both get a good laugh and build the anticipation for your next visit. Who makes the best homemade pizza? Go, go, go!
Or, try reading the same book at the same time. Go take a quick look at the best selling books on Amazon then simply buy two copies of the same book. Not only will this make a good surprise gift in the post, you will bond further through sharing your thoughts and ideas surrounding the book.
2: The scent of love & togetherness
This is one of the most intimate surprises you can send each other. Spray your favourite perfume or aftershave on an item of your clothing, then place this in an airtight ziplock bag. Simply post this to your girlfriend or boyfriend with a thoughtful love note. This idea works especially well when you haven’t seen each other for long periods of time, your partner’s scent will be something magical to receive and instantly provide a level of intimacy. (see picture – point 7)
3: Verbal Intimacy – Quality over quantity
A truly effective method to keep the close bond alive is through varied and improved communication.
We live in great times with many ways to contact our loved ones who are far away. Social media, free text messaging, video calls, snapchat, handwritten letters, the list goes on.
The downside of this being the quality of communication can suffer at times. Improve this by work on your interpersonal relationship skills.
- Make your S/O feel extra special
- Ask subtle questions
- Become a patient listener
- Communicate in ways beyond what a casual friend would use
- Keep communication varied and clear
- Try handwritten letters, share stories of your day and aspirations for the future
- Tell funny stories
- Use use positive language & positive thinking
- Think before you speak. Monitor written communications
4: Intimacy Reminders
One of the best decisions I made while living in my own LDR was starting a scrapbook of memories. It’s never too late or too early to start one. I enjoy placing photographs from our visits, next to receipts and train tickets. Anything could be added, even screen grabs from your Skype calls can be printed. Try adding a little note next to a picture or a joke that will remind you of those special times.
This method helps tremendously to build your strong bond and togetherness. My favourite scrapbook is this one here on Amazon. Personally, I love the storage box that keeps all my photos, letters and scrapbook in one place.
Other ideas you could use is a photo keychain, fridge magnet or picture corkboard with your memories.
My personal favourite item I own is this beautiful ‘I love you always’ picture locket. Adam surprised me with this on valentines day and I’ve treasured the gift ever since! Lockets are a great idea to maintain intimacy from a far, simply place a picture or a favourite quote inside and wear it close to your heart every day.
5: Share your fantasies
Sharing fantasies with your long distance partner can be both a fun and bonding experience. Be doing so, it will increase the passion and trust in the relationship.
Including your fantasies in love letters is a truly effective method to use. Or give ‘point 11′ on this page a go.
Fantasies are not only how you want to be physical with each other. It could be your thoughts and dreams of a once in a lifetime trip abroad, or how you vision your wedding day, or the style of house that you would like to live in one day.
6: Appreciate all the little thing
Before you go to bed at night pick up a good journal and list the top 3 three things that you really appreciate about your partner. This will ensure the close bond between you both even if they live far away. I can highly recommend the ‘Good days start with gratitude journal‘ (direct Amazon link). The simple layout and quotes will make sure you keep on track each day, cultivating a healthy attitude of gratitude. Give it a try this really works!
7: Send creative love letters
If your relationship has been long distance for sometime, love letters may start to become a standard thing.
To help avoid repetitiveness include one of the suggestions below.
- Line the envelope with decorative paper or a map of your favourite city
- Include a drawing on the letter or envelop
- Add cute ‘post-it notes’ with sexy messages or jokes
- Include pictures
- Include a riddle or game to play
Aim to to keep love letters interesting and show the importance that you place on your relationship.
8: Creating intimacy through shared laughter
We all know just how challenging long distance can be, It’s certainly no joke at times. When couples are under pressure or are suffering from missing each other sometimes the fun, games and jokes can slowly fade.
Please don’t let this happen to you. The chances are you were first drawn to each others particular sense of humour from the start. It’s OK to voice concerns and talk out your challenges as long as you find a balance and keep the fun side alive.
- Start every day by watching your favourite comedians on youtube
- Sending personal jokes or tag your S.O on funny social media clips
- Include a ‘sticky-notes’ with a joke or fun memory in every handwritten letter
- Share funny stories about your day
- Watch comedy movies together while on a skype call
- Listen to stand up comedy shows on iTunes radio
- Be spontaneous – Send goofy selfies
- learn not take yourself too seriously
- Laugh at your own mistakes
Further reading (external website link): – Why laughter is good for you in a relationship.
9: Sending his and her presents
A proven way to keep intimacy alive from a distance, is to send creative and fun gifts to each other.
This could be something handmade or a present that you S.O would really appreciate. Everyone loves a good surprise!
For more creative ideas, check out the links below:
10: Share your intimate thoughts with a private email address
An effective way to increase your closeness is by making your own NSFW email address. The reason this works so well is you can feel safe to share your most intimate thoughts without the fear of danger. Treat this as your personal hotline to build closeness and sexy rapport.
11: Build Long distance intimacy through video chat calls
It is proved by a recent research that when Long distance S.O’s see each other on video chat, they become more intimate with each other. More information is shared because of the acceptance through facial expressions.
Top tip: Before you video call plan out a small list of topics to talk about or write down a list of the things you have been up to since you last spoke. Many have said this helps the conversation flow and avoids any award silences.
12: Visit as often as possible
An obvious answer, but very critical one. Visiting as often as possible bonds the commitment of your relationship showing that he or she is your priority. Even if you can’t stay for a long time, still plan to visit and create memories together. Setting a date is the first and most important step.
For money saving travel tips check out our LDR resources page.
13: Maximise the time you do spend together
Once you are reunited talk about all the topics that are best reserved for in-person conversations. Plan your time together with the best you can, so when you meet you don’t just watch T.V and films all day. Go create experiences and memories that will last a lifetime.
For more ideas, take a look at our page 120 Date Ideas – Being Reunited
14: Intimacy killers – The things to avoid
- Never use silent treatment – This will just place barriers in the way. It will be torture for the other person at distance not knowing what’s going on. Instead Make a point to approach the topic when you next see each other or when the time is right, face to face on skype.
- Do not isolate yourself, make time to see your friends and family, be social and keep up with your hobbies. Do not put your life on hold, accept there a distance in your relationship and continue to grow as your own person.
- Never embarrass each other in front of other people, or share personal details about your partner.
- Avoid over-analyzing your partners social media. Reading into ‘made-up’ scenarios will kill off intimacy fast.
- Don’t over criticize your partner or your loved ones. Let them speak their mind freely.
- Never compare each other to anyone else.
- Do not consider your needs the main priority, consider each other needs first. This helps in making your bond stronger than before.
- Do not place yourself in situations where your partner may think there is a higher chance of cheating.
- Never set out to intimate or threaten your S.O.
- Remain open-minded to new ideas. Never be over critical to your S.O suggestions.
- Continue to make time for your own hobbies and interests. If you solely concentrate on your LD-relationship you will have nothing to talk about and may fall into unhealthy ways.
- Remember to keep track of important dates and past memories you shared. These become very valuable to LDR couples – Forgetting these will ultimately cause arguments.
You may also enjoy our other popular article > How to crush long distance jealousy & insecurities