The web is full of advice and guidance, here at ‘Sending-My-Love.com’ we go far beyond the common Long distance relationship tips to reveal the extra skills and actionable steps, helping guide every relationship along a smooth enjoyable journey.
The list is not a simple quick fix. Just like anything of value, hard work and patience will bring results.
We wish you well, think smartly, love compassionately, and above all, live your amazing love story to the fullest.
Your LDR Investment
Relationships are very much a form of investment. Time, money and resources are all exchanged for excitement, love and happiness. Place value on this, treat yourself and your partner well, stay focused and watch your LDR grow towards your end goals.
Your first meeting
Some LDR’s start in person and some start online. If you’re a couple that began a relationship through the online, try and plan to meet each other as soon as possible.
Be confident with your relationship
Your friends and family may not understand your long distance relationship, some may even discourage you from carrying on. People have their own ideas of the typical relationship. What works for some people might not work for you. Be confident in your own beliefs and ideas.
Let your friends and family know in advance if you need to take a call
It’s important to socialize with your friends and family while you are away from your partner. Sometimes a scheduled call time may cross over into your social time. Avoid any awkward interruptions in advance by explaining that your expecting call from your partner.
Sign up to reward schemes early – (Financial Tip)
Enrol in good rewards schemes as early as possible, the benefits soon add up quickly. Whether it be the airline you prefer to fly with or a bank with a grand points system, it pays to plan and spend wisely. See our LDR Resouces Page for more money saving ideas.
Respect each others privacy
Just like any dynamic, understand that you both have lives outside of the relationship too. If you feel friction in your conversations, avoid repeatedly asking challenging questions on that subject over the phone. Instead, wait until the timing more suitable, or save the bigger topics for a Skype video call so you can see each other face-to-face. The method of communication can at times just as important as what you are trying to say.
This is a big one. For long distance to truly work you must find the light within the dark days. Too much negativity will kill off relationships quickly. Ask yourself, what good opportunities will arise from this situation, what lessons did I learn today?
A proven technique: Write down a list of 5 or more things that you are grateful for everyday. Make this a routine before you go to bed, or at breakfast time. Be thankful for all the little things, and surround yourself with positive like-minded people.
Create healthy boundaries
Understanding your relationship dynamic will provide you with a strong foundation from the start. As you cannot voice these boundaries in person, it is important to communicate openly in the early stages. Showing kindness, understanding and respect will go a long way.
Keep your text conversations light
Simple questions can lead to fun conversations. Have fun with text jokes and LDR games. Skype and facetime is your best friend for deeper conversations.
Send pictures of your day
This helps the other person feel involved in your day and lets them know you’re thinking about them.
- Send real pictures of everyday things. For instance, it may seem mundane, but a simple picture of a new recipe you made will make them feel involved in your life.
- What may be familiar for you will be completely new to them, think from their perspective.
- Send all sorts of pictures of your neighborhood, your trips out food shopping etc…
- One simple picture can give you hours of conversation topics.
- You may not enjoy selfies but you’ll soon overcome this in time.
Trust each other
Understand that your partner has their own life and interests too. Give your girlfriend/boyfriend all the space and encouragement they deserve in order to learn, grow, and have fun while apart. This will help foster trust and bring you closer together.
Example of a bad conversation:
- “You didn’t text me before you went to bed like you always do.”
- Person B- “Sorry I fell asleep, I was exhausted from work.”
- “That’s weird, you just went to sleep as soon as you got home?”
- Person B- “Whats with the questions? I made dinner, then fell asleep watching tv.”
- “Hey I missed your evening text last night, I hope you had fun time”
- Person B- “Sorry I fell asleep, I was exhausted from work”
- “Shame you had to work late, wishing I was there to cook for you. I’m glad you’re rested now!”
Enjoy the time apart to learn more about each other
With however much time between visits, use it well to learn as much as you can about each other. Don’t let the time pass without asking all the fun and silly questions. We all have funny stories to share!
Be creative with your thoughts and actions
A big part of long distance relationships is learning to deal with the lack of physical contact. We all want to reach out and touch the ones we love the most. A way to compensate for this is by focusing our attention on other creative ways to show just how much you care. Look out for our ongoing tips and advice right here at sending-my-love.com.
Discussing your “status”
It is important to know when you’re officially a ‘couple’. Addressing ‘exclusivity’ early on is the first step towards building trust. Be clear, talk about your commitment and what that means to you. Your expectations must be well-communicated on this topic.
Avoid analyzing your partner’s facebook / social media
It’s an easy trap to fall into. You want to be involved in your partner’s life as much as possible. Avoid over analyzing the content. Be aware that most of what’s on social media is superficial or too hard to know the full story behind an image or comment.
If you do find yourself in this place of jealously or forming assumptions, pick an appropriate time to talk about it with your partner and resolve it ASAP. 9 out of 10 times you will discover a simple answer and you will realise it’s a habit you should avoid.
Are you values aligned?
Your beliefs and values are your ‘rules’ that you live by. Do yours line up with your partners? It’s natural not to agree on every aspect in your relationship, but if your big beliefs are in conflict with your partners, it may be time to address this in the early stages.
Think from their point of view
Practice taking on your girlfriend/boyfriend’s viewpoint. By listening carefully and learning your partner’s perspective, you will become much closer.
Talk about your friends and family
Share stories of the people that mean the most to you. This will help your partner build visual pictures before they meet.
Accept that you’re temporarily apart
By taking a positive mindset and counting your blessings every day, you will embrace the happiness that you bring into each other lives. Accepting the temporary gap is one step towards this. You have long term goals, but now is the time to enjoy the path that leads you towards them.
The element of surprise
Send unexpected gifts and letters. Go above and beyond the norm, show you are thinking of them in creative ways.
Plan your finances
Costs can soon add up quickly, It can be an expensive being in a LDR. Our advice is to plan ahead in advance. Use your time apart to budget or even take on a second job in your free time.
Use creative and varied ways to communicate
Share different parts of your day. Keep it fun and varied.
- Texting – Best for everyday use, fun communication.
- Facetime Video – Great for when you’re on the go, it is perfect for showing your partner a bit of your everyday life.
- Snapchat – Best for goofy selfies and quick everyday fun snippets.
- Skype – Good for longer conversations and ideal for the big-picture talks. Always try to start and end the video calls on a lighter note. Also good for meeting friends and family in a semi-formal setting.
- Letters – A personal touch to your relationship, send your partner sweet notes at least once a month.
Write letters to each other
Writing physical letters is the perfect way to express what your thinking. The hand written love letter shows your partner how much creative effort and invested time went into their parcel. Communicating through post adds the element of surprise when the letter arrives.
Added bonus: On your challenging days, the hand written letters will give you comfort and closeness. These heartfelt notes can be collected over time and eventually show the physical journey you both took together. (if you plan to reside together, this will be an important element to being granted a visa, as they prove your long-term communication and help to legitimize your relationship).
Be social & enjoy your free time
Keep yourself occupied and continue to enjoy what you love the most. It is best to engage in activities and develop as a person, your partner will respect you even more for doing so.
Avoid over thinking by trying out a new hobby or a new challenge that you always wanted to do. Volunteering could be another option. Doing more = More to talk about.
Encourage each other to live exciting lives!
Appreciate the small things
Practice gratitude everyday. Celebrate the small things in life, and try keeping a journal and write down five things you appreciate every day. The little things add up to big happiness.
If you feel sad and lonely
Try to acknowledge when you are feeling alone and the emotions hit you the hardest, then transform this energy into something practical. Any action will do as long as it’s a positive step, instead of staying in your thoughts. How about writing a love letter, send a surprise gift, or go to the gym. Unwinding with friends over a glass of wine or a good pint can take the edge off of being inside your head and bring you into the moment.
Top LDR tip: Watch a movie or show together on one of the many online streaming websites. Reading the same books can also help with common topics to talk about for weeks.
Another fun example would be cooking the same recipe and seeing how they both turn out. The shared experience might give you something to laugh at, or show off a hidden talent. Shared experiences will give you something to look forward to as a couple.
Keep things interesting
As with any relationship, you have to keep things fun and alive. How about trying our: 12 Long Distance relationship games to play
Learn how to communicate more effectively
Effective communication is more about listening and less about talking. Be engaged in what is being said to you, it will help you better understand your partner and help them feel appreciated. Avoid interrupting, and pay full attention in your conversations.
Never try and solve big problems over text messages or phone
If you hit a sticking point it can be beneficial to simply agree to disagree. Plan to re-address this subject via skype video. Text messages can easily be misread and phone calls do not show our body language or facial expressions. When you video call or talk face-to-face, it can be far easier to gauge the right time to ask big questions and tell if your partner is paying full attention at that moment.
Continue to learn about each other interests
Go beyond just asking questions about friends and family by actively seeking more information on your girlfriend/boyfriends life. You don’t have to be interested in starting the same hobby yourself, but a little more knowledge on any subject will go a long way with communication in the future.
Follow set routines
Forming routines in your long distance relationship is very important. This provides a solid base to rely on and something to look forward too. Aim to call around the same time each day and skype on the same day(s) each week.
Although routines are useful, It’s important to remain flexible in case either of your plans change. Working out your routines will remove the feeling of being ignored, or conversely, being smothered.
Some people may not have much going on that week or day, with not much to talk about. In this case do not force a conversation, keep it to the point and carry on living your own life. This avoids any resentment. Trust your partner just needs their own space that day and make sure you give it to them.
Time between visits
An essential ingredient to any LDR is planning the visit dates evenly apart. Many factors will come into play such as work, college, and finances. Your heart and head will be far more rested knowing the time length you’ll be apart.
Saying your farewells after a visit
Saying goodbye after a visit is never easy. Be kind to yourself and your partner by preparing for the goodbye in advance to save on tears and stress.
We wrote a full article on this topic with smart actionable long-distance tips: Saying goodbye: How to prepare in a long distance relationship
Resolve fights asap
At some point in your LD-relationship, you will have a falling out. The hard part is not being able to physically hug your girlfriend/boyfriend after a disagreement. Distance, or no distance it will happen.
When argument takes place within an LDR, it is essential that you try and resolve or move onto a new subject as quickly as possible. Try to simply say – ‘let’s switch the conversation and talk more about this in a few days over skype’ or simply – ‘let me think more on this’.
It’s amazing how the time and communication method can completely turn things around. Never just hang up on a call. Instead always end your conversation on a happier note.
Help each other out
Just because you’re not in the same room as your girlfriend/boyfriend, it doesn’t mean you can’t help out with things. Learn a little about each others hobbies, activities, problems and form and understanding or offer some help or advice when appropriate.
Don’t turn off your emotions
Be open and express your feelings. This doesn’t mean shouting out every detail that pops into your mind. Using your words in a timely appropriate manner to talk over how your feel will done wonders in a long distance relationship. If you feel you’re holding something back for too long maybe it’s time you address this.
Making the most of your physical time together
Before you visit, plan activities that you both enjoy or things that you want to try. This may sound a funny answer, but it’s surprising just how many LDR couples spend too much time just cuddling and watching TV shows once they meet.
Creating memories through experiences is just as important as Intimacy. Balance your time and you’re all set.
A plan to eventually end the distance
The hard truth is that once you get a certain amount of time invested in your relationship, without a final plan your relationship will not be stable. Working toward your long term vision is vitally important and so are the steps along the way.
Someone will eventually have to relocate with the resources, finances and legality to do so. Make sure deep down that you both have the same long term outlook before one of you starts to worry.
Extra Things To Think About
» Remember the percentage of successful LDR couples: You’re never alone take a look our Long Distance Relationship Statistics & Facts page.
» Find comfort in quotes: See our Inspiring Quotes, Messages & LDR Sayings page
» Consider counselling: If times get tough, it is normal to visit a counselor. They will have an impartial view and help you think through issues differently than a friend or family member.
» Stay in touch with your LDR community: You’re in the right place. Our growing community is here to help.
We wish you all the success, happiness and love.
Kim & Adam