Knowing when to give up on a long distance relationship can be tricky to figure out. You may have been in an LDR for several months or even years, fully committed to making your relationship work.
All of a sudden, the wedding bells in your imagination become warning bells. Maybe you’ve been suspecting that something is wrong for a while, or maybe it hit you just now.
There comes a point when you need to ask yourself: Am I just paranoid, or is it the end? And how do I know?Let’s take a look at the common warning signs you may be facing…
When to Let Go of a Long Distance Relationship
1: You write and call and there’s never any answer
This one should be obvious, but you’d be surprised how many of us fail to see the writing on the wall because we are too stubborn to let go. If contacting your partner is starting to feel like reaching out to aliens in space… it’s time to stop.
In an age when people are constantly on their phones, there are just not that many excuses for not answering.
2: When they do talk to you, it’s still not much better
We’ve all had the odd moment when our significant other was distracted. A job problem, a family issue, or a friend in trouble are enough to keep their mind preoccupied. Heck, even a football game can sometimes leave you feeling like you’re talking by yourself.
But if these odd moments happen every single day, you need to question the quality of your interactions. Are you really getting that much out of it?
3: When you visit, the intimacy’s not there
How many movies, museum visits, and drinks with friends can you possibly fit into one week? Not that many, unless someone is trying on purpose to avoid intimacy.
I’m not saying we all need to behave as if we’re trying out for the next energizer bunny commercial… But it’s hard to imagine spending a long time away from a loved one and not being all over them when you’re finally in the same room. At the very least, when in doubt, you should be able to start a conversation about it.
For intimacy advice, see our other popular page > How to be intimate in a long distance relationship (14 Proven Steps)
4: Or worse, it includes a lot of shouting
You know it can’t possibly be healthy to argue with your significant other every waking moment. Even more so when you’re geographically challenged!
In a period of your courtship where every visit should be like a romantic trip to Rome, if you find that you’re spending too much of that time fighting you might need to ask yourself which one of you is starting it. Picking fights is a clear sign that someone is unhappy, and you might even be surprised to discover that it’s you.
5: You spend a lot of time talking about the downsides of your relationship
Analyzing pros and cons can be a great thing, especially if it leads to decisions and actions down the line. But dwelling too much, too often, on the difficult aspects of coping with a long-distance relationship isn’t good for either of you.
Not only can it put you in a constantly sad mood, but it can also be a sign that one of you is trying to talk him or herself out of the relationship. Can you turn that “It sucks not to see you” into an “It’s great that we have each other”? If not, you might have a problem.
6: You have no future plans to end the distance
When your significant other says “I’m sure we can start thinking about it after the summer!” it’s easy to get excited. But when that gets followed by “I just have to finish this next job first…” and then “My friend really needs me at his wedding in April…” you need to start asking yourself what’s going on.
Are you just setting yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak? Remember, when you really want to do something, you make it possible. When you don’t, you make excuses.
7: Or you do, and they scare you
There’s no shame in admitting that you’re not completely on board with what’s going on. Either because you’re not convinced that this is what you want, or because you’re seeing warning signs that things are only going to get worse once you do move in together.
That anxious tingling feeling in your stomach can’t be ignored. If, the closer you get to the “due date”, the more you argue or avoid each other, then you can be sure it’s not going to work out.
See our other popular page > How to leave a toxic relationship with dignity: 12 Simple Steps
8: You feel like you’re sacrificing too much
So you gave up the office party to be home for your Skype date. You gave up your class reunion to be home for your Skype date. And you gave up your mom’s birthday party to be home for your Skype date. Is it starting to feel like real life is slipping you by?
Are you starting to regret all of the things you missed out on? Of course, your loved ones will understand and forgive you. But are you going to forgive yourself?
9: And you’re not getting as much in return
You’re there, in front of your laptop, waiting for your evening catch up with your partner. You’ve complied with all of their requests and sacrificed your own wishes along the way, but wait….they’re not there ready to talk now.
Moreover, your left waiting for the third night in the row… yesterday it was an urgent phone-call from a friend that needed comforting. Today they said it’s an urgent trip to the supermarket to get toilet paper. Tomorrow it might be an urgent Mad Max marathon.
Does it feel like it’s just you that has obligations and responsibilities in this relationship? Then strap on a life vest, because it’s time to abandon ship.
When to Give Up on a Long Distance Relationship?
Every relationship is unique, and no standard answers apply to all couples. But faced with too many of these warning signs, you might need to start reconsidering your position.
Points to consider:
- Have you addressed any of these problems with your significant other?
- Did they seem open to a dialogue on how you can better your situation?
- Are you both prepared to make compromises?
- Can you imagine a happy future together?
- Can you imagine life without your partner?
- Are you prepared to learn from your mistakes and move on?
- Can you visualise your life after the end of this relationship?
- What support can you rely on to help you through this?
While giving up on a relationship at the first sign of trouble is not a healthy attitude, neither is keeping up a pretence that isn’t working for you. It can be very frustrating and hurtful to prolong the inevitable conclusion of a separation.
On the bright side, once you go through this experience once, you quickly learn how to tell what’s going on in your future relationships, and are more prepared to prevent any of these problems from ever showing up! The only real way to learn is through experience, and the most educational experiences are the ones that hurt.
Knowing when to give up on a long distance relationship can be tricky to figure out. Being informed and prepared is the first step in taking control of your life again.
You may enjoy our other popular page > How To Heal From a Breakup Fast & Healthy: 5 Effective Tips
Article By: Alexandra Pana
Feature Image By: Giulia Bertelli